Sides Page 4

thought about Emma. “Em.”

  “What?”

  “Eh, someone who knows you, I was just talking to her by the ditch, totally forgot and just ran off! How rude.”

  “Em who? I don’t know anyone called Em?”

  “She said she was with you, Emma obviously.”

  “Nope, don’t know an Emma, although nice name!”

  “Nice name? Strange, what do you mean by that?”

  “Nice name for a girl!”

  “Yes, it is a girl’s name, bad deal if it was given to a boy!”

  “But if it was a girl?”

  Michael stared at her.

  “You know what, I’ve completely lost where the conversation was.”

  “Wouldn’t it be a lovely name if it was a girl?”

  “She was a girl.”

  “If it was our girl?”

  “Our girl? We don’t have a girl.”

  “Not yet!” she smiled.

  He watched her carefully. Her eyes were dancing fuller than he had ever seen. Her ears were higher, and her smile was reaching the skies in ways that made him want to jump up, catch it and hold it forever.

  “Pregnant?”

  She nodded.

  “A baby? Us?”

  Tears slowly rolled down her beautiful face, “Us.”

  He gently placed his hands on her shoulders and drew her closer.

  “I can’t believe it.”

  “Believe it, and get ready, there’s going to be changes!”

  “I know. We can have a small play area, swings, slide whatever, just over there,” he said pointing across to the garden.

  “Wow, slow down, there’s a bit to go before that!” she laughed.

  “I know, but, that’s where it’ll be, that’s where she wants it!”

  Sarah looked at him as he stared across to the garden, “Men.”

  The Cell

  She gently rubbed her hand along her bare foot feeling the sooty dust between her fingers and her heel. It didn’t bother her anymore, she wondered when she stopped caring. At first the smell and the chill damp feeling of the room horrified her, now, she was used to it. During the day, it became unbearably warm. Now as she was sitting on the ground in the corner, slightly leaning against the side wall, she had worked out that moving less during the warm times and walking when the cool night came in was the best way to handle it. Time didn’t matter, she only knew it was night when the temperature started to drop.

  There had been no visits now for some time. A small locker in the far corner contained a few bottles of water and some packaged food. It had been stocked a while ago, maybe a few days. That was a sign that there would be no visits, no fresh food. She didn’t care, it was better than the visits.

  There was no sound here, nothing. She remembered times she had hoped for peace, quietness and time to herself, so often. Now she wanted to be in a crowded room, a bar maybe, where the music was way too loud and people had to shout to communicate.

  She felt an itch suddenly. Quickly she scratched and slapped the area. Even in the dark her look of disgust sent out its message.

  Then she was thinking again about how things were and should be. She would never have gone out unless she looked immaculate. Different outfit for every occasion, and a range of shoes that were like little children to her. Shoes, she thought. The ones she had worn last were now clearly completely impractical for the situation she found herself in, but then, she never thought. She didn’t know where they were now anyway, they weren’t with her by the time she got here. She knew the red short cocktail dress she had been wearing was now stained and covered in black gritty patches. It was torn too.

  She slowly pulled herself up from the ground and stood for a moment, a little dizzy. It’s strange, with no light you lose track of the times to eat. This was a sign she hadn’t eaten in a while. Her back ached, the last visit had been particularly unpleasant, a going away present. She made her way to the locker by following the wall to the end and along the other side. She knew where the locker was but sometimes an obstacle might have been left in the way. The water was tempting but without food she would get pains in her stomach very quickly and that meant other problems she just hated to think of. The food was always sealed well so if there were any other scavengers about they didn’t get at it, she was grateful for that.

  The cooler box was getting lighter now as she pulled it out. Inside she felt for the cooked slices of meat and slowly chewed on them. Eating too fast wasn’t good. She thought of the Marcus Key Restaurant, low light, candles, sparkling wine to start, and three hours to enjoy the finest of food and wine. In her head she heard the familiar Beep Beep of a text and wondered how many messages and texts had now gone unanswered. She took a sip of water and started to feel a bit better. The pain in her back hadn’t eased much and she was concerned that maybe there was more damage than just bruising. She felt around the shelf and found the apples. As she went to bite a thought crossed her mind, but she couldn’t see the apple so what was the point. At home she had always been so careful about food hygiene, maybe too careful. She closed her eyes and started eating. Suddenly she laughed. The thought of closing her eyes in the dark so she wouldn’t see the apple was just insane, everything was insane. She took some more water and then packed away the near empty box. On the first few occasions she had taken too much food too soon and ran out. She had learned now how to ration, and also what it meant when it was running low.

  She pushed the cooler box into the locker. As she drew her hand back she felt a sharp pain along her arm. The pain cleared any thoughts of her back and as she gently moved her fingers across it she could feel the sticky wet liquid that was keeping her alive slowly ooze into the darkness that her life had become. Sharp, she thought. What was sharp? She reached slowly back into the locker and gently felt the edges. Then her fingers saw it. A small thin strip of the inside of the locker had been pulled away from the side and had a sharp edge. She pulled at it and it slowly started to bend. Then she pushed it back. Pulling and pushing she could feel the metal moving easier and finally it snapped. She took it out. The metal strip was about four inches long, sharp, but very flexible.

  She slowly followed the wall until she reached what she felt was half way. From here she could walk straight ahead and find the mattress in the centre. Once there she sat down, her yoga style, and took a rest from what seemed to be a huge effort. She caressed the piece of metal. It was the first time she felt that she might have a chance of being in control again. But of what? The metal was so soft it would be useless as a knife. It would just bend if you thrust it at someone. You could wave it and slash things but what good would that do.

  Suddenly she heard movement beyond the door. There was some banging and footsteps. A visit, she thought. Tears rolled down her face as she rubbed her finger along the metal.

  After a few minutes there was loud bangs at the door. Finally it burst open and two men with torches stared into the room.

  “We’ve got her!” shouted one. “Quick, down here! Medics now”

  As the policeman moved in and shone the torch on the ground his face went pale. He saw the woman laid back on the mattress, her throat with a long wide dark gash and blood flowing freely. Near her hand he could see the thin strip of metal.

  “Ah Jesus, no.”

  Crystal

  She felt warm as she lay there holding Crystal, and even though she was somewhat older than made sense, she could still get that fresh baby smell and she smiled. She gently passed her hand across the back of her head and down her long hair feeling the silky smooth wonder that was so soft.

  “I like that,” said Crystal.

  “So do I,” she responded.

  She continued to move her hand gently from top to bottom and for a while remembered her mother doing the same.

  “I want to stay here doing this forever,” she said in a low gentle voice.

  “Mam,” replied Crystal, “tell me what Heaven’s like.”

  “Why?” she answe
red.

  “Cause I like when you tell me a story, and I wonder what heaven is like.”

  She paused for a while as she thought how best to answer. Then she smiled as she felt a warm feeling come over her, just like when she was with her mum.

  “It’s wonderful. There’s everything there, everything you’d want, I mean, everything anyone would want.”

  Crystal had pulled away slightly from the embrace and was looking straight into her face, smiling.

  “Remember the fun park just off the beach we went to, that’s there, or like it, and the parties with your cousins, there are loads of them as well, and remember that ride in the amusement park that daddy was so afraid of and you loved, that’s there too!”

  A worried look came over Crystal’s face.

  “Only if you want it love, these things are always what you want, that’s what Heaven is like!”

  Crystal smiled.

  “And will I see people I know, or how will I make friends, will I be alone?”

  “Of course not baby, you will see Granddad and Granny, and loads more people you mightn’t even know, but they will have known you, and they’ll be so happy to see you!”

  “So why are people so sad when other people go to Heaven?” she asked.

  “Well baby, maybe they want to spend more time with them.”

  “But Heaven sounds so great, why wouldn’t we just go straight there?”

  She started to laugh as she caressed Crystal’s back. She was trying to think of some answer that would make sense and at the same time not frighten her.

  “You know, you are such a clever girl! You